Bad Romance is a crowd-sourced project managed by the New Society of Dilettanti —a guild of exuberant tastemakers, brought into bondage through the New Work Scotland Programme 2010.

Together we are rewriting an entire historical romance using 170 ‘tribal’ authors. In February the first stage of the project was completed as the final section was emailed off for adaptation. Collective are now editing completed returns in preparation for re-publication as a single-run paperback later this year.

There is now a strict deadline of Monday 14th March 2011 for all sections but please bear in mind that early returns will help stagger the editing process and hasten the completion of the final document.

Send entries to: badromance@collectivegallery.net

Quotes:

If he squeezed any tighter she’d pop out of her kecks. He were holding her just a bit too close to the hand-dryer and her arse were roasting, but now she were totally distracted by the way her hand had just fell casual-like to his arse and it were well-fit, actually, and all she could think on were the fact her breath were going a bit raspy.
Thea Stevens

“I am working for the New England order of Protection,” he explained, as he pulled up a chair opposite her. "If I hear anyone coming, I‘ll go out that door.” He pointed at the window.
Jason Minsky

She’d already swallowed countless mouthfuls of his warm metallic blood, and his weakness was clear; slurred words, shaking knees, pounding pulse pounding less. Bleeding to death? She dismissed the thought, and twisted out the words, “deh moosic wroom! Deh mwoosicx groom!”
Neil Ogg

If I like you…Can I keep you?
Louise Briggs

Her breasts heaved like two wooden floorboards of the bathroom whose thirst hadn’t been properly quenched by the varnish applied and now bowed as the moist air penetrated every follicle of the exquisite cherry wood, exposing the depths of the floorboards and the green sponge of the underlay. Mr.Tremolos longed to sink his face in to the gaping crevasse. He imagines the lax skin of his camel face catching on the edges, ripping his cheeks clean off as if to protect her from any damage that could do the whole floor ill. James Thomas Phillips

Yes, HONKing. Deverell flushed and thrilled at the thought – it had been some hours. He moved in closer to Miss Ashmouth in order to sweep his HONK up her HONK, lightly. He speculated that she didn’t notice this subtle action particularly.
Kathryn Elkin

“But did you know that Bulgar wheat is a member of the rhubarb family? Did you know that sweet chestnuts are not chestnuts at all- the Romans used them to make polenta! . . . Did you know that Harvey Nicks do chocolate coated ants? I bought some for my aunt. I brought four dozen to her party served them with the canapés and passed them off as chocolate pretzels—like the trashier Nigella (He cupped a pair of spilling globular imaginary breasts) she ate the whole plate. My dear Aunt, the mad old bag!”
Conal McStravick

Answer Basil leafed, shed seed too heavenly sore rubble pitting here senses tether—shed wood bean sow acquaint onto their sect offer Mr. Wordsworth only mints deflower.
Nick-e Melville

“You’re bleeding you fool.”
Lyle Mitchell